Ever wondered why you never find Mr. Right and end up with Mr. Right Now?
This is what we want.... security, love, companionship, faithfulness, respect, honor and above all commitment.... right?
Sometimes as women we tend to do the same things over and over again in relationships and expect a better result with the same type of guy or the very same guy -- That change doesn't typically happen...
You like the "tough guy" type
You have a desire to "fix" or be the fixer
You need or want to be needed
You settle for less than you deserve because you think Mr. Right now is going to "change" and there may not be someone else coming into your life for a while, then you just get stuck in the rut.
You have a specific "type" of guy that you always seem to be attracted to -- whether it be the muscular type, blond, tall, dark haired, biker, attorney, handsome, doctor, player, and the list goes on...
He has similar qualities to those of your first love
He seems charming and then he changes
He's a challenge, not just your typical male... He is adventurous, likes spontaneity
He has money
He doesn't have any children
You think you can handle "friends with benefits" because eventually he'll come around
And again, if we look at the above we might see something there... As I have observed and experienced, most of us as women are natural nurturers and have the tendency to "fix" things, make things better, get emotionally attached, feel obligated, feel responsible and somehow in the process, we lose a part of ourselves, become under-appreciated and eventually walked all over because WE SETTLED for Mr. Right now, instead of waiting for Mr. Right.
I have seen many situations where a very successful woman gets involved in a relationship with someone who is far less successful than she, not as attractive as the other men she dated and seems to be less of a challenge to her... and they become inseparable, fall in love, get married and then there are those times when the same occurs and it's a complete disaster because someone settled... There are some simple factors that could help you to determine whether or not you are settling. (Listen to your heart and balance what you feel with logic).
The thing is, sometimes we need to look outside of what our "typical" Mr. Right might look like or do for a living and feel the character a person has, not looking at the physical traits, but looking at the person/guy for who he is and not what he does or who or what he looks like. I mean the most successful relationships are so simple. It just flows, it's not like it takes a lot of work -- it's simply just there, it's right and this man is Mr. Right most of the time but somehow we blow past him because he's just not enough of a challenge, he's boring, he wants to do the same things all the time, there isn't enough variety or he simply wants to stay at home and you want to go out. So, you go out... you end up finding Mr. Exciting... and end up breaking it off with who you might think is Mr. Boring. Well, it's just that simple, at that point -- we might as well have sealed our fate and gone back into the never-ending cycle of Mr. Right Now because just as soon as the new wears off, this Mr. Exciting becomes a little too excited about going out with his friends and hanging out in clubs, doesn't call and you begin to remember the guy you just broke it off with several months before and think..." What on earth was I thinking? All I had to do was talk to him and tell him that I needed a little more "life", that I needed to get out more, I wanted to experience things and travel some...not just stay at home". Now he's gone, you're not going to even think about calling him back so you end up in limbo for a while, right?
However sometimes, we tend to want to "stick with" a bad relationship for fear of losing this person, we hang on too long in abusive, non-evolving relationships because we THINK it's eventually going to get better. We don't want to start over or get back into the "dating game". We want stability, we don't want change or... YOU simply just want him. Sometimes that isn't so easy. Sometimes he just isn't ready, sometimes it just won't work. We as women need to learn how to "let go" when things aren't progressing and we aren't getting what we want from a relationship. I mean, most of us already know somehow it always ends up to be "the woman's fault" when things go sour in a relationship. The truth is, sometimes it is but often we just allow him to be our priority without realizing that he isn't doing the same in return, until it's too late and we're hooked!
If you are sitting there thinking... "When will he call?" "Why doesn't he want to see me this weekend?" Why does he wait until Sunday to call me?" Why is he checking out other women when he's with me?" Is he playing with my emotions?" "Why doesn't he call me or want to go out when I need to or want to?" (If you are in a relationship and you are asking those questions on a daily or weekly basis... it's time to GET OUT!) At that point, he's not engaged in the relationship, he's not into you and you need to just push him out of the way so Mr. Right can come in and believe me, he certainly will! Just as soon as you let go of Mr. Right Now.
Please learn to let go when you need to. Stop letting guys hurt you... take advantage of you and push you out of the way. Pay attention to your own instincts. If he isn't emotionally opening up to you, if he isn't attentive to you then please do yourself a favor and just end it. Don't even allow yourself to fall into the pit of "Miss Clingy" or "Miss Needy"... be the independent woman that you are, hold your head up high and go find Mr. Right!
"What mental abuse can do to you (ONE woman's story) -- Some simple suggestions to help heal"
There are many things people don't understand when coming out of any sort of abusive situation. One of the things I have learned as a light worker is that you can only do so much to help someone else... you can only allow them to take but so much of YOUR light.
Her whole life flashed before her eyes a year ago when she finally left an abusive marriage. She had NO clue how much abuse she had endured over a period of 22 years, until after she left and the months that followed.
Since 2003, "the year her father passed away", -- her life continued to change and her eyes began to open. She had to however go low to grow. She had to realize many things, experience many valuable lessons. She gave so much of herself to others that she totally forgot about the woman within her.
While she was embracing her Spirituality, she was also forgetting about the every day issues that were going on in her very own home. She did so much for others, teaching others how to grow... Her "then" husband was very dark and negative. While he seemed supportive, he continued to make remarks about her Spiritual endeavors. He also wanted to maintain a physical relationship when she was "learning" about connecting in a different way --
She needed more than a "physical" encounter. She needed and wanted the totality of a true Spiritual connection and to feel true, unconditional love. She needed a husband who would support her and their daughter and be the Spiritual leader in their home. Instead, he was continuing to grow more and more resentful of her Spirituality, not working and contributing to the household, draining her of all of her valuable energy and light. HE was the Essence of DARKNESS sucking the light out of her!
He complained about everything... he stomped and threw temper tantrums when he didn't get what he wanted, when he slept in the living room and expected everyone in the house to be QUIET... as he was in the CENTER OF THEIR HOME! People have to come and go, live like normal people but his expectation was that if he was sleeping, DO NOT DISTURB!!!!
He continued to grow more and more mentally abusive, until one day she finally stopped going anywhere, feeling very negative about herself, feeling empty because he felt empty, feeling isolated because he did.
She began to shut out the whole world, turned to the computer, isolated herself into one room and didn't leave the house for over a year. He continued to mentally abuse and drain her until one day she decided to "go out with the girls"... when she saw NORMAL people laughing and smiling, joking and actually LIVING LIFE... She began to open her eyes. She looked deep within the core of her soul and noticed all that she had let happen, while he was spiraling down, he was taking her with him.
She finally found the courage to leave -- even though he didn't have a job. (He held her hostage in a way because she was taking care of him financially for nearly 6 years). She left, in the middle of the night... with only a few items of clothing, She left her home, her things and never looked back. All she wanted was FREEDOM from him and to find the light and she did!
She soon realized that she was very emotionally scarred from the abuse, strain and every day burdens. She was vulnerable, She wasn't the confident, beautiful woman she once was. She was afraid of people. She stopped trusting and became apprehensive about everything.
When she got into a new relationship and finally found REAL love... a love that is PURE and true, good and healthy. She was afraid to trust it, she just kept waiting and waiting for the rug to be jerked from beneath her because she was so accustomed to dysfunction... she couldn't believe how inferior she felt and how intimidated she was about life and love in general.
Here's what I suggested for her:
(I hope and pray that this will help some of you to heal)
I suggested she see a Shaman complete a series of clearings to remove the negativity that had inevitably been instilled or conditioned into her.
I attuned her to all levels of Reiki and taught her to meditate.
I suggested that she continue to see the Shaman and undergo the following healing modalities:
light body activations
Spiritual Response Therapy
After this, she began to go back to church and learned to value herself as a woman. She is slowly but surely regaining her confidence! She now does daily "affirmations", in order to keep her thoughts positive. She found a spiritual group "kind of like a spiritual counseling session" that she attends once a week.
SHE IS NOW beginning to become the woman she was BORN to be. She has true love and is embracing it! She can feel her sensuality and her connection with Spirit. She has learned about the Divine within her.
I hope her story the suggestions that I gave her will help some of you to "get out" of any abusive or negative relationship and embrace yourself truly and wholly! Let GO and Let GOD!
Love and Light to all of you!
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